benedicta_maria

I woke up this morning to the furnace trying to light but it wouldn't work. No heat, 20 degrees and snowing, wind blowing through the back door and the bedroom windows. Scared, I called a friend of mine and asked if her husband could be bothered to look at the furnace. He was headed to work but promised to come over at 8pm after he got done with work. I made another call to another friend who's husband works at a heating and cooling place. I called to ask her what the name of the place was so if we couldn't get it working I knew what company to call. She gave me the name and emergency number and her cell number as they wouldn't be home in case I needed them. It was really very sweet of these to people to give me hope. I took a shower and got ready for work. Bad weather, which I am afraid to drive in, was waiting for me. I went out the the car, took a deep breath, held it and turned the key. Slow it cranked but started, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I warmed it up and drove carefully to work. I got to work, THANK YOU VERY MUCH and spent the first hour fearing that it would snow terrible and I would have to drive home in it. Then I was fearing that Scott wasn't ok because he hadn't text me back and he never not answers me. Not sure that is the way to put that, never not answers me but he hadn't and then I was fearing that the furnace would be out all day. Then I was fearing that the pipes would freeze and how would I go under the house and fix all that. Then it quit snowing and I was feeling better about that part, then we were back to fearing for the house. Then I told one of the ladies what was the matter and she informed me that if the furnace quit and the pipes froze because of that and if it caused damage, a person calls the insurance company that they have insurance on their house with that this had happened and they get it fixed. I was dumbfounded, really? I asked - you serious. Then she proceeded to tell me what happened to them when they were gone durin the winter once and the pipes froze on their home here in michigan. Hmm, wow, what an idiot that I was fearing the worse when the worse could be fixed by an insurance company and it wouldn't cost me and I wouldn't have to go under the house. I felt somewhat better, then it started REALLY snowing and I was back to fearing about driving home in it. Scott finally text me back, wow, great he was alive. Wondered if the middle child was safe, she was having to drive in it. Fear now came on me about her. I hadn't talked to her in a couple days, was she alright, should I be afraid for her. My phone went off, she sent me picture mail. I don't get picture mail on my phone so I had no idea what she sent me but she must be alive and well or she wouldn't have sent me whatever that was. Ok so I was now back to fearing about the snow and the furnace. Then the manager of the deli came through my line and told us that one of the service clerks called off today because her mother was in the hospital, that she had a heart attack this morning. She's 42 with Samantha being the oldest at 16 and there are two other children the smallest of which is four I think she said. Okay so how small did I feel that I had been fearing all of this stuff today when I was NOT in the hospital with a heart attack nor were my kids facing their mother being in that hospital and the fear that they must have wondering what was going to happen to their mother and them. Then it stopped snowing. Then the mother of one of Scott's friends came in and walked almost around the store to not see me or talk to me, thought that was suspicious so I followed her out of the main part of the store where the carts are and said hey lady whats up and she pretended to be happy to see me. I said what's wrong. See her husband died in a motorcycle accident this past spring/summer. She said that she thought just when she thinks she is doing okay something smacks her along side the head, that she had run into one of her husband's friend and they just spend an hour crying. I told her it would happen and she said she doesnt know what to do about Christmas this year. That her daughter asked if they would have one of their traditions, a cookie day and the son piped up OF COURSE WE ARE so she said apparently we are doing that, she wasn't so sure SHE wanted but she would do it cuz they wanted to. So we hugged each other she left and I went back to my register filled up with tears remembering how hard that is and being so afraid when something happens that I have no control over, knowing that if my husband were alive, I wouldn't be full of so much fear. My husband and I had issues and there was never any money but I don't think I was ever full of so much fear when he was alive. So I got out of work, snow covered car, parking lot, roads, and ofcourse the compresser hasn't been right in a few YEARS but I have no money to get it fixed so defrosting the windows is a trip. I finally got the car ready to go and eased out of the parking lot onto the snowy road. Carefully drove down ready, even tho Scott told me not to go that way, he was right, it was a mess and I had to make a left out onto telegraph which was a two track. It was hard to see the driveway cuz it was snowing again but I found it and pulled into the driveway, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Home. Safe. Now I had to deal with the furnace. My friends husband pulled in right behind me. We went into the house, I explained the situation and he took off the front of the furnace and looked at stuff and we turn the switch on and the furnace tried to come on but wouldn't light, he worked on some wires and the next time it tried to light, it did light. Wow that was awesome. It stayed lite and we talked for a while about his kids and the grandkids that are living with them and talked about my husband and my kids and the furnace ran the whole time. He told me no to fear about things so much, what was the worst that could happen. We talked about that for a while and I made a plan to call the furnace people during the week cuz it wouldn't cost so much, double time on weekends, etc. and he left. I called the boy and told him the status and apologized for being so fearful. The MOM is suppose to be the one helping the child not the other way around. The middle child, who hardly talks to me anymore not only sent me picture mail but text me that Butch and Sundance were on. I sent her a text "put enough dynamite in there Butch" and she wrote back lol. So she was 'planted' somewhere safe, watching tv. No need to fear where she was, talked to the boy, no need to fear where he was, then text the oldest, who has been very good to me, the situation and knew that they went to the parade but that they were all safe and sound. Long story short as their uncle dave would say, I'm sitting here writing this with the furnace running. It ran for a long time, has shut off and come back on three times since I started writing this. Can't explain that I still have fear. Can't explain why I can't just say, furnace running, warm in here, a few dozen popcorn chicken left over from dinner at buschs and a handful of chips and should be NOT FEARING ANYTHING but.....now I need to go to bed. Will I be able to sleep, probably not, why? Can't answer that. I'm tired of the fear but I don't know how to stop it. I'm hoping that writing can get it out of my head and then may be it will be gone if only for a little while. Thank you for listening. I heard the neatest song Friday on the way to work, it's called 'Mary did you know" wow, powerful song. I have tomorrow off. Looking foward to sleeping in and then working around the house. It needs it.